Earlier this year I hit zero officially. It was zero in a bank account, not entirely on assets but pretty close (and I was clipped out on liquidity). BRUTAL hit to my ego and I didn’t want to be honest about it for a while. Writing about it is a form of humility that I’m ready for. A bunch of things compounded to get me there:
Running foolish startups and not paying myself
Having this huge ego about being independent and not getting a full time job
Being an honest person in dishonest industries and losing as a result (ultimately I could have made more money if I played the game like others, but I kept my integrity)
Alcohol in it’s many forms (and recovery)
Taxes
I’m proud that I stayed honest, I’d rather have $0 than sell my soul for anything. I’m also happy for what it taught me.
First, I was OK. It was hard, and I survived. People didn’t abandon me, and in fact many helped me when I asked.
Second, it highlighted the hole in my heart that really only spirituality could fill, and for the lesson there I’m grateful. Ultimately money can’t buy love (only fair-weather friends), and love is the only real measure that us humans value (unless you’re a psychopath, more on those people some other time — I hope they can get better). I found a way to fill that cup and build a foundation where I can love myself and others in good times and bad. For that I’m super grateful.
Third, it showed me that as long as I have my community and my health, I am capable of rebuilding whatever I had to tear down to discover myself. In many ways I’ve found gratitude for that experience because who I am now is something that no amount of money could have bought. It’s also the story and adventure of a lifetime.
I’ve been working a get well job for the past 7 months and pretty happy about it, making a lot of impact, and enjoying those who I work with. It’s also given me space to rebuild savings, grow orthogonally to my founder skillset, and while work is still intense, recover a bit after 4 intense years of startups. I will get back to those in time, but for now I’m just settling into the new version of myself that experience created and rebuilding a foundation. Thanks to everyone who followed me along on that journey.